I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I want to fling myself into the sun
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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