Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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