Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
