I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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