it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
