No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
