I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
