What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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