Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
