You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
