I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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