I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
