every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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