She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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