Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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