I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
