My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
