i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
