so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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