I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
