he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
