I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
