i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
