By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
