Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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