areolas are like halos for boobs.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I have fence marks all over my body
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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