That's intense
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
