I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
