I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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