guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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