I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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