forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
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While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
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This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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