Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
