Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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