Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
