My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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