do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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