is your mom at the bar?
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
