His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Randomize
