so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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