Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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