Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
