"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
