please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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