Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
