We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
