Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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