the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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