Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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