Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
