i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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