he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
