Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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