I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
