Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
