I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Shame is for Republicans.
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