this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
