As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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