doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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