if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
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Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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