I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
