you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
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