the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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