Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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