He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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