We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
