Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
