So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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