And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
