dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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