she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
