Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
