you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
