yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
